my first memory of having a favorite actress
& its subsequent repercussions—
first grade.
my grammy and papa were talking about audrey hepburn and how i reminded them of her. that was the first i heard of her. but then i saw her on the news. she was working with these tiny, skinny, emaciated children in ethiopia. i made a point to find it on the map.
i know this sounds SUPER weird and only my closest friends know this. but i will always remember that image of her with the children. in that moment, i knew i wanted to become a doctor and help poor children. i just knew. looking back, i know it’s especially weird because i, too, was just a child—how can a child want to help other children?
i know deep down in my heart and soul, i was born to help those in need. from that moment, the rest of my life was spent acknowledging the gift i had connecting with others—particularly those who are ashamed, weak, and hurting.
this was what always made me special. i was never good at sports. i always felt ugly growing up. i always felt different (not in a good way). i was always thinking about people’s motivations—especially those who most people avoided. the bully, the special needs kids at school, the kid no one would talk to. i wanted to talk to them. were they hurting? did they feel as ugly as i did?
as an adult, this gift became more and more apparent. my volunteer and, later, work experience would solidify my belief that i have a way with people and that i am here in the universe to help others. i want to serve. i want to do God’s work. i want to be the warm heart and hand. i believe the gift that God has blessed me with is empathy. this is what it has been all along.
the journey to achieve my dreams has been much more difficult than i planned. the rejection (personal and professional), the shame of feeling inadequate, the condescension of my peers who have thought i am naive and not smart enough—have weighed heavily on my heart. in fact, within the past four years, there were times where i hurt so much in my heart i really felt like i was going to die.
God’s plan for me has been so trying. my faith has even waivered at times. but the certainty of my gift has not. i realized that if i did truly believe that i am “special” and that my connection to those in need is so powerful, i could do it in another way. perhaps, i may not get the “title” i originally set out for—but i could still get the tools i wanted. and if i truly believed in humility and doing “God’s work,” it shouldn’t matter how i get there. also, i was wasting valuable time when i could be doing more.
identifying my strengths brought my faith back. restoring my faith in me, restored my faith in God. that is probably the wrong order of how things should have taken place, but it is true nonetheless.
i can’t wait to share this with as many little ninos as possible :)
note: i must emphasize that it is my connection to those in need that i am referencing above. hopefully, i can work on better transferring this passion to those close to me personally too!
